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While we are waiting for the old geezer to wake up in that other thread, I thought we might swap some Limericks.

In case some of you don't know what a Limerick is - (you kids don't seem to learn anything at school nowadays) - I'll provide some explanations:

There are 3 types of Limericks;
1. Limericks that can be told in the presence of a lady.
2. Limericks that can be told in the presence of the Clergy.
3. And then of course, there are LIMERICKS.

All Limericks are 5 lines and have the same rhyming pattern, a a b b a, meaning for those of you who never took a literature class, that the first two lines and the last rhyme, and the third and fourth rhyme.

Usually, but not always, the first line ends with the name of a city or other geographic location.

Class over.
Below is an example of a Type 1, Limerick from my first English school book, which can be turned into a Type 2 by replacing a single word. (As for Type 3, it will be interesting to see what might slip through Iccy's decency filter).

There was a young man of Devizes
whose ears were of different sizes.
The one that was small
was no use at all
But the other won several prizes.

Quite staggering how little my immediate geography rhymes. Here goes:

There once was a nerd from Sealand
pondering, on the other hand
I want to rhyme with scandinavia
but don't quite know the meaning of octavia.
Guess I'll leave it for you to understand

Heh, I see I forgot commenting on the metric.

The below is a quote from Wikipedia:
"A limerick has five lines, with three metrical feet in the first, second and fifth lines and two metrical feet in the third and fourth lines. A variety of types of metrical foot can be used, but the most typical are the amphibrach (a stressed syllable between two unstressed syllables) and the anapaest (two unstressed syllables followed by a stressed syllable)."

If you find that as hard to follow as I do, I'll help you, not with a translation, but an example.

Below is a Type 1 Limerick with the typical meter (the stressed syllables in capitals):

There WAS a young LADy of RIga,
who SMILed as she RODE on a TIGer.
They reTURNed from the RIDE
with the LADy inSIDE
and the SMILE on the FACE of the TIGer.

As usual there are exceptions to all rules, usually to create some comical twist. The most famous exception to the Meter rule is probably this one:

There was a young man from Japan,
whose poems never would scan.
They said, 'That won't do'
He answered, 'I know,
but I always try to pack as many words into the last line as I possibly can'.

There's a slightly better better version of that which has a more consistent rhyme scheme and maintains the scansion until the last line:

There was a young man from Japan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When asked why this was
He replied 'It's because
I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can'.


Others:


A mosquito was heard to complain
That a chemist had poisoned his brain
The cause of his sorrow
Was Paradichloro
Diphenyltrichloroethane.


There was an old man with a beard
Who said "It is just as I feared.
Two owls and a hen
Four larks and a wren
Have all made their nests in my beard."


There was a young lady named Bright
Who travelled much faster than light.
She set off one day
In a relative way
And came back the previous night.


There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate a green apple and died.
The apple fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside 'er inside.

Hrm, not sure I understand the rules but I want to try it.

Osiris died happy in bed.
The women did mourn round his shed.
His Nymph wife was afraid,
he too often got laid,
by the Maid who always gave head.

Hey I think I like this. Good idea Molly!

Not bad, Osiris!
But Shasarak's masterpiece about you on the other thread was even better. :-)

Me, I admire anyone who can write their own Limericks - I always steal mine.
Even though I am Swedish, I went to Uni at Guildford near London, and the students there used to swap Limericks all the time. Usually their topic was focused on the sexual habits of some other College, preferably Oxford-Cambridge (Probably some sign of inferiority complex towards the old ones).

I'll spare you the definitely x-rated one about the young man from Buckingham, and offer a slightly more refined example:

There was a young man of St Johns,
who wanted to bugger the swans.
Oh no! said the Porter,
You can take my young daughter,
but them swans are reserved for the Dons.

Molly:
But Shasarak's masterpiece about you on the other thread was even better. :-)

(blushes profusely)

You're too kind! :-)