Member Discussions

To save you the trouble I'm using the random mudlink to check out various muds. If I see something noteworthy I will post it here.

<1925>xp [H47 M149 V110] ex[N e S W] >
Village Hut
In the dim light, the small, single room hut revels its crowded interior.
A scared wooden table and a old stool seem to be the largest items in the
whole house.

That made me feel downright dangerous. If I can walk into a hut and scare the table I must be pretty bad.

Someone must have scared that table pretty bad in the past. An old stool? Man, someone needs to clean up the room. And it's one of the largest items in the house? Disgusting. I didn't even know tables could defecate.

Shouldn't that be, "...hut revels in its crowded interior."?

Or aren't we having fun yet?

Not "an old stool" Zeno, it's "a old stool".

I don't believe I have ever seen a room description only be two lines and have that many mistakes in it. That's just signs of amatuer work I suppose.

Maybe it was supposed to be sacred table?

Oh well, post anything else odd you see in the muds that you visit.

In the dim light, the small, single room hut revels its crowded interior.
A scared wooden table and a old stool seem to be the largest items in the
whole house.

If I were an Imm spellchecking this area, my revised description would be:

The small, single room hut reveals its crowded interior in the dim light. A
scarred wooden table and an old stool seem to be the largest items in the hovel.

This does not mean that I like the description. If this were a mud I owned, and if the other rooms matched this one, I probably wouldn't install it at all.

I hope I haven't spoiled anyone's enjoyment in the thread. I'm sure Osiris will find lots of rooms for our continued entertainment :)

Oh, btw: I prefer to consider myself an amateur, not an amatuer. However, if this post is full of typos and grammatical errors, you can consider me a very embearassed amatuer indeed.

"That's just signs of amateur work I suppose. "

I've seen illiterate people bang on keyboards and come up with better work. At least an amateur should know that that is the worst room description EVER. And sadly... probably unintentionally.

Oh no no my friend, there is MUCH MUCH worse.

Never got the room name, so I called it The Stairs of Doom:

Standing here, you see the resin coated stairs in front of you. It strikes absolute fear in you.


"Where do these stairs go?"
"They go up."

Were there hippies at the top? That would strike fear in anyone.

Epilogy:
"At least an amateur should know that that is the worst room description EVER."

Qok:
"Oh no no my friend, there is MUCH MUCH worse."


For instance:

Standing in the pitch blackened dungeons
[Exits: north east south west up]
You walked into the dungeons and your standing in pitch blackness
so dark you can't see. Theres a torcher rack and a gillotine and a
odd devise to your left. Whoever made this place must've torchered
there victoms in here. You start to searching for a exits to escape
from in here but there doesn't appears to be any in sight.


I'll be nice and not name the MUD this came from (And no, it's not mine! *glare*). Anyone want to start a list of mistakes here? I tried, but it made my head hurt too much.

You start to searching for a exits to escape
from in here but there doesn't appears to be any in sight.

[Exits: north east south west up]

You walked into the dungeons and your standing in pitch blackness
so dark you can't see. Theres a torcher rack and a gillotine and a ...

Plus plenty of spelling and grammar ones.

Just for fun, I'll grab a random one from Ilyrias that hasn't gone through the QA spelling and grammar checking yet.


Fork in the trail
The trail splits lazily here. One fork leads to the northeast, carefully following the riverbank, while the other leads directly north to the base of the cliffs. Scrubby grasses and brush clings to the rocky soil, and several hardy pines have managed to survive in the shallow environs.
You see exits leading to the north, northeast and south.

Well, it's not the best description in the world, but I've seen much worse.

And accidents do happen...

Here's an example from my own Mud, which slipped the spellcheck too, because the word it should have reacted to actually is a word that exists:

'... Dark black sheets and pillows adore the bed...'

The player who reported that typo apparently was rolling in convulsions for quite some time.

I, also, adore the bed.

'... Dark black sheets and pillows adore the bed...'

Dark black sheets look towards the pillows and say, "It puts the lotion on its skin."

*evil cackle*

I'll play along and it's even on my mud. The mamorial hospital has been around for so long that I don't even want to fix it.

'...Dark black sheets and pillows adore the bed...'

Maybe the author intended it that way, but I'd rather see this...

'A nude woman luxuriates here upon a large bed adorned with black satin sheets and pillows. The curvaceousness of her body is distracting...'

'A nude woman luxuriates here upon a large bed adorned with black satin sheets and pillows. The curvaceousness of her body is distracting...'

<gasped> *Gasp* </gasped>

Let's see:
Title line: pitch blackened - would imply that the dungeons are blackened with that sticky hot tar-like material known as pitch, and not that they reflect no light.

1) You walked into the dungeons and your standing in pitch blackness

How does the game know I walked? What if I ran? And what if I woke up there, and am "look"ing at the room for the dozenth time? your should be you are - contractions are a no-no, so it wouldn't even be you're. The phrase is pitch black. Pitch...black. Not blackness, not blackened. Black. Pitch black is a color and the phrase stands on its own with no need for embellishment. Furthermore, I am not standing in anything. I'm sitting down, or perhaps I'm strapped to the rack awaiting torture. The entire line is redundant, since we already know from the room title that we're in a pitch black dungeon. Oh and is it one dungeon, or many dungeons? Need to check on that too.

2) so dark you can't see. Theres a torcher rack and a gillotine and a

so dark I can't see? D'oh - that's what pitch black IS, dood. Theres should be there is. Torture, not torcher. And "the rack" is sufficient. Guillotine is misspelled as well. When listing more than two items, you should eliminate the "and a" between each except the last, and replace the words with commas.

3) odd devise to your left. Whoever made this place must've torchered

devise, and how do you know it's to my left? What if I'm facing the other direction? It'll be to my right then, won't it? Huh huh huh huh??? "Whoever made" - that's just lame-ass writing, juvenile crap that doesn't belong anywhere except on Johnny's 2nd grade book report. Must have tortured. And how do I know anyone has actually tortured anyone here, other than the fact that you informed me of it and utterly and completely removed any involvement on my part? What if it's a brand new torture chamber? Or what if it's just some kinky S&M place, and everyone down there gets a cheap thrill with a slap and tickle, with no actual torture taking place at all? HOW DO I KNOW?

4) there victoms in here. You start to searching for a exits to escape

their, not there. victims, not victoms. How do you know I start searching for exits? What if I think it's a really cool place to hide out from enemy forces? Or what if I own the place? Why would I look for exits, if it's mine? an exit, OR "for exits"..

5) from in here but there doesn't appears to be any in sight.

from here, in is unneccessary verbiage. appear, not appears. But it doesn't really matter, since the entire sentence is stupid.

How'd I do?

A bed adorned with black satin sheets and pillows sprawls out in the middle of the pristine boudoir. A nude woman, her full, lush curves distracting to the eye, luxuriates atop the mattress.

I got rid of the passive voice of the second sentence by sticking the curves on the woman instead of as an appendage at the end. And I got rid of the unneccessary "here;" of course she's here. If she was somewhere else, she wouldn't have been included in the description of THIS room. I also split the woman and the bed up, because it was grammatically impossible to tell which of the two was adorned with the sheets and pillows.

All in all, an awkward series of words, but fun to fix.

It's funny how almost everything I post seems to have pornographic undertones. (At least when interpreted by Osiris). :-P

Just for the record, I didn't make that room. And I didn't make the pink, fuzzy handcuffs hanging on the bedpost either.

Wasn't me!

Nice edit desharei... we should partner on some zones.

Quoth Molly:
'It's funny how almost everything I post seems to have pornographic undertones. (At least when interpreted by Osiris). :-P'

Yes right it's all my fault. The dirtyminded old man. Kindly tell the class what you were wearing the last time I visited you at 4D. :p

quote Osiris:
'Yes right it's all my fault. The dirtyminded old man. Kindly tell the class what you were wearing the last time I visited you at 4D. :p '

I guess you must be referring to what I was NOT wearing.

I'm just an editing fool :)

Straight A's in writing/literature/english/grammar from the third grade through four years of college (those crazy Europeans call it University), a Print Journalism major, Creative Writing minor, and head builder for three years in a MUD, with contributions in several others (each a completely different code-base, yeesh). It ends up being part of your DNA after awhile, I'm convinced. If I was stupid enough to spawn when I was of "eligible age" my kid probably would've been born a writing prodigy. Fortunately for the rest of the world, I eat my young <grin>.