Member Discussions

How many members of the Bush Administration does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Ten

1- One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed
2- One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed
3- One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb
4- One to tell the nations of the world that they either for changing the light bulb or for darkness
5- One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb
-6 One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under a banner that states "Light Bulb Change Accomplished"
7- One administration insider to resign & write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally "in the dark"
8- One to viciously smear #7
9- One surrogate to campaign on TV & at rallies on how Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along
10- And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Hey, let's not elect him in 2004 either....

Bush Secret Plan to Draft Elderly Revealed
by Scott Ott
(2004-10-19) -- Previously unseen documents released by the Kerry-Edwards campaign today reveal a secret Bush administration plan to draft the elderly into military service.

'If George W. Bush wins this election, I warn you that he will kill two birds with one stone,' said John Forbes Kerry, the Democrat presidential candidate. 'He'll bail out Social Security by sending our nation's grandparents to the front lines in Iraq to die in the wrong war.'

Mr. Kerry, who is also a U.S. Senator, said, 'Senior citizens are patriotic, plentiful and many of them still have their old military uniforms and vintage rifles from World War II and Korea. It's a cynical scheme, and that's why this administration is hiding it until January.'

According to details of the secret Bush plan, backdoor-drafted National Guard and Reserve troops will come home rapidly as they're replaced by five divisions of combat-ready 'geriatric GIs.'

To date, the Pentagon has not specifically denied the existence of the alleged secret plan dubbed 'Operation Joint Replacement.'

President Bush, asked to respond to the Kerry allegation during a campaign stop, said, 'This is the first I've heard of it. But we don't need to draft our seniors. If we'd let 'em, they'd volunteer. Next question.'

Hmm, the secret documents I uncovered in an unlabeled drawer in one of the Kerry campaign offices tells of another plan.

Bush wants the elderly to fight it out Battle Royale style.

Every month a randomly selected geriatric institution has 42 members of its patient base drugged and whisked away to a deserted island. They are outfitted with explosive collars and told to kill each other off in the wilderness within three days time. If more than one grandma is left alive at the end of that time, all of the collars explode! The elderly will leave the briefing building in two minute intervals and will be given a bag containing food, water, diapers, viagra and a randomly selected weapon designed to neutralize natural advantages such as the power of self-locomotion.

This would not only solve our social security problem but would make for excellent entertainment.

Moon Disappears From Sky! Bush Is To Blame, Says Kerry
The Brooklyn Vanity Post (October 27, 2004) - Tanniker Smith

At shortly after 9 p.m. this evening, the moon slowly disintegrated from the evening sky over the Eastern seaboard, disappearing entirely sometime after 10 p.m.

Democrat presidential nominee John F. Kerry blamed Bush for the disappearance. 'Earlier this evening, it was right there in the night sky.' Kerry droned monotonously as he pumped a finger upward. 'It vanished right under his nose -- or rather went over his head -- on his watch. Did the President notice as it was stolen away? And who is to say if it will be used against us at a later time, possibly creating tidal floods that will cover the entire Atlantic Coast.'

'Under a Kerry Presidency, the Moon will not disappear! I will not let it happen! I have a plan! They have only fear!'

When asked for comment, running mate John Edwards stated that under a Kerry Administration, those suffering from lycanthropy will no longer need to fear the full moon, and vampires will rise up out of their crypts by daylight.

Tanniker Smith reporting.

Tonight: Kerry Fails To Embrace The Black-And-White Ideology That So Many Americans Find Comforting And Enables Them To Cope With Life. "He Just Can't Descend To The Level Of The Average Person, And We Don't Want No Smart Guy Running This Here Country," Complains A Recovering Democrat. News at eleven.

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